Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Not Fancy Enough For McDonald's But Too Fancy For Vino's.....An Adventure Into Obesity (vol. 3)

After all of the heart clogging dipping sauces, life-changing McRibs, watching kids run into doors, it was time to go to Vino's.

I have never been to Vino's before, but I did hear one of the best descriptions of this particular establishment: "If you have ever felt depressed, ugly, fat, gross, and your life has gone nowhere, then go to Vino's and you will feel great in now time". When I heard this statement, I thought it was just an exaggeration and couldn't be that bad. I was wrong.

When the Condiment Kid and I first saw Vino's, we were excited because we thought it would be some sort of wine bar just based off of the name of the restaurant. We knew we were wrong because the was a sign advertising that Wednesday was "All You Can Eat Spaghetti Day" for only $5 a person, obviously that is too good of a deal to pass up on.

As we walked in, The Condiment Kid and I knew this was not a wine bar at all by being greeted with a full view of slot machines, pool tables, and a drunk guy tucked into the corner by himself. She started to laugh because Vino's quickly resembled a place where people would go if they really wanted to get some sort of hepatitis.

It was also clear that The Condiment Kid and I were completely overdressed for this establishment. Apparently, wearing a tie to this place will get you strange looks and slow service on drinks. In order to resemble a regular, I should have worn either my best John Deer t-shirt or whatever fast food uniform I had at the time.

Another aspect of the bar that made it even more memorable was that fact that every night was karaoke night (with the exception of Saturday because that is Country Line Dancing Night with Rawstin). And since Vino's knows that everyone loves to sing covers of people songs in a horrible rendition, that karaoke portion is open to all ages. Its is great to see a 12 year old leave her mom at the bar top area and sing as many Taylor Swift songs that she knew.

Since The Condiment Kid and I originally came there for the wine, she asked the waitress what type of wine was available and the waitress quickly responded by saying "White and Red". She said that she preferred White Wine and the waitress, also know as Mom, poured us a glass each and didn't see her until some time later when she brought out the "good" wine, and yes, the "good" wine was in fact the infamous boxed wine.

Also, Vino's is great for people watching. I think that it is great that I finally know where all of the people form the People Of Walmart website go to drink. I saw a guy in a Chicken Express sweatshirt drinking a ton of Smirnoff Ice curled up in a ball on chair by himself, a drunk guy dancing to when there wasn't any music playing and sitting while there was, a couple of truckers talking about road life, and an 80 year old grandma trying to win it big at the slot machines.

After a couple of hours and several glasses of wine later, it was time to call it a night. We didn't realize how smokey it was inside of the bar until we got into our car. I smelled like a 1990s Robert Downey Jr while she smelled like a 1990s Christian Slater.

It was a great night trying different types of food while clogging the hell our of my arteries and breathing in a weeks worth of smoke in the span of a few hours at a dive bar that is open to all ages. I cant wait to do it again next week.

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