New Year, Same Guilty Pleasures

New Years has come and gone and people are still trying to work on their 2012 resolutions. My resolutions are the usual: lose weight, save money, work on whatever I always wanted to do, and etc.

My problem for this year is what should I do for my "etc." portion of my 2012 resolution list. The conclusion I came up with is new to me. I am going to keep up with my guilty pleasures and not try to reduce them one bit.

I figure that I will continue to watch horrible teenage drama shows on ABC Family, damn you Lying Game for being surprisingly great and bad at the same time, keep on making stupid, immature kid jokes, and attempt to consume as many bread products as possible.

But if I start eating nothing but bread, I am more than sure that I will triple in size by March with the assistance of whatever crazy concoction the Condiment Kid will produce and pass off as a delicious dipping sauce (which they usually are).

So after much serious thought and consideration, I finally wrote a 2012 Resolution List that is very attainable and challenging at the same time and starting tomorrow I will:

1). Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
2). Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
3). Stop licking frozen flag poles.
4). Watch more movie remakes.
5). Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
6). Only eat white snow (I have been tricked too many times)
7) Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I'm being interviewed.
8). Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
9). Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes
10). Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube
11). Check my work e-mail account at least once this year
12). Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out
13). Watch less T.V…. in standard definition
14). Start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes
15). Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s McRib and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield
16). Avoid fingertip soreness by learning to play “Rock Band,” instead of a real guitar
17). Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years
18). Talk with a robot voice all the time
19). Lose weight by hiding it someone you'll never find it.
20). Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.
21). Buy new clothes big enough to account for next year's holidays.
22). Start smoking to lose weight
23). Build biceps by increasing reps of Ding Dong curls to 3 sets of 15
24). Start buttering my doughnuts with only I Cant Believe Its Not Butter
25). Eat more fruit... snacks

Even though I have a long list, I am more than confident that I can succeed at all of these resolutions in order to make a successful 2012.