The Heist

Dreams can be a hard thing to understand sometimes. On one hand, dreams can either motivate, enlighten, or inspire you. On the other hand, they can torment, frighten, or just down right scare the living hell out of you. Fortunately for me, the former usually occurs to me and recently gave me to greatest idea ever. I am going to steal the greatest, most priceless object of all time.....Bob Hope's brain.

Now, I know what you are thinking right now. Why would anyone want to steal Bob Hope's brain? The only reason answer for that would be for money and an unlimited amount of Bob Hope jokes. And plus, the guy in a National Treasure as well.

So here is a rundown of my dream, which I am pretty sure will result in a successful robbery in real life.

A few of us were in a horrible dive bar, the type of bar where only the bottom feeders to go to escape their dull existence of a life. One of my friends says that his wife's pimp knows a guy who works at Cedars Sinai medical lab. They're getting a very special delivery a week from this Friday. And that special delivery will be Bob Hope's brain.

Since we took the plan seriously, we did a full weeks worth of recon work in order to prepare for the big heist. We found out the the courier is named Antonio and he delivers at four o'clock on the nose every Friday. Alpha team will be in the elevator with the courier, which will consist of me and Creeper number two team, which will be Lauren and Jimmy, will be positioned in the stairwell at the other end of the hall.

Every member of the team will be equipped with night vision goggles, a police scanner, a two-way radios and a uniform that will consist of camouflage shorts, a black tank top and after-ski boots

With alpha team following from the elevator, number two team will approach from the stairwell, cutting the courier off before he reaches the lab. After a fierce struggle, an intense battle of tug of war, and facing superior numbers and an array of high-tech weapons, such as my dustbuster vacuum that I use as a gun, the courier will have no choice but to comply with our demands.

Now here's the beautiful part. The getaway. Both teams will rappel right down the center of the stairwell, change clothes and walk right out the front door like nothing happened. Well, that is the main goal, but I will probably end up tumbling head-over-heals down the metal steps and turning myself into a bloody mess while the container carrying Bob Hope's brain is busted open and brain fragments are thrown all over the place.

As I try to clean up the mess, and I run out of the building into the middle of the street right into oncoming traffic. In my dream, my Arch Nemeses, Musically Challenged Friend, runs me over with an ambulance and drags my body for about 50 feet. In real life, I plan on getting away with my crime along with the members of my team as well and sell the brain on E-Bay, a collector, or to the guys on Pawn Stars.