Nothing says "I am proud to be Irish" like acting like a bunch of drunken hooligans in the streets of Dallas screaming at poorly made "floats".
Early on Saturday Morning, Stephanie, Colin, Meredith, Jessica, and myself boarded the TRE train in Fort Worth and headed East to Dallas.
By the second stop on the train, it was standing room only in what seemed like an endless sea of green. And when the train reached its final destination in Downtown Dallas, you could not tell when the sea of green ended or began.
Our group got off in the the Lower Greenville, grabbed a quick hot dog, 12 pack of beer, and headed toward to 30th Annual St. Paddy's Day Parade.
After quickly grabbing a spot with a good view, it was time to enjoy the parade the only way we know how: beer and people watching. And trust me, there were a ton of people watching available. One of my favorite strange person sightings was an overly tanned 50 year old woman ranting and raving about how the government is spying on everyone by tapping your phones and secretly implanting GPS Devices in your teeth.
When the parade finally started, it was time to be somewhat entertained by the "floats" and tons of high school alt rock bands that were absolutely horrible. One high school rock band just decided to give up and just scream as loud as they could while throwing candy at the spectators.
About halfway through the parade, we spotted Stephanie's friend Amy who was with the Dallas Roller Derby Group throwing green tortillas at everyone. At this point, our group decided that it was time to get some more drinks and find a different view of the parade.
As we made our way for a different vantage point, Colin went to get some more drinks for the group while the rest of us got in line for the public restrooms. We would soon find out this would be a mistake due to everyone taking their sweet ass time in the port o pottys.
Since the line was incredibly long, Meredith was contemplating a risky move. She wanted to just go to a random person's apartment and use their restroom. While she was talking about this out loud, I happen to notice a local celebrity who graced the City of Dallas with her presence. It was Psycho Shannon from the Kidd Kraddick in the Morning Radio Show.
As Meredith and Shannon were talking, they decided to actually just go to some random apartment and use their restroom since they were both in dire need to find a somewhat clean bathroom. The duo then set off on a quest to find a bathroom and not get abducted at the same time.
15 minutes later, the girls come back after accomplishing their goal of using a stranger's bathroom and ultimately knocking off a task from their bucket list. The funny thing about their long disappearance was our group became convinced that Shannon had abducted and planned to forcefully marry Meredith. This topic started because Shannon is a well known lesbian and we just thought it would be funny if Meredith left her male fiance for local semi famous lesbian celebrity.
It turns out that waiting for the bathroom was a terrible idea. The whole time we were waiting for the bathroom, the parade had come and gone. The streets were now empty with the exception of trash and drunken people either passing out or puking.
On our way back to the the train to go home, two things happened that I probably will never forget. The first thing that happen was meeting Nicki, a contestant from the most recent Bachelor.
The way we met her was pretty funny and embarrassing. Nicki and her gay entourage would walk around in front of bars and accidentally drop something. When someone would help to pick up whatever the guys dropped, they would say "Hey, isn't that Nicki from the Bachelor". Apparently Nicki and her friends would do this so they could get free drinks or some sort of publicity. I thought it was just embarrassing because she needed that much attention.
I cant say too many bad things about her because she did offer Stephanie and I a shot from her bottle of whatever disgusting licorice drink she had with her. We both took a quick drink from the bottle and Stephanie was convinced that I now have "Bachelor" Herpes since I drank right out of the bottle.
The second most awesome thing I was that day was a guy piss himself and how the crowd reacted toward him. Stephanie and I got into a much shorter and faster line to use the restroom and everyone was in high spirits. Strangers were laughing and talking to each just celebrating the hell out of St. Paddy's Day.
When the drunk guy who would later piss himself got in line, he just seemed like a really happy drunk guy. He was talking and joking with girls and giving guys smart ass, yet extremely funny one liners as he ease dropped into their conversations.
One thing should have tipped us off about exactly how bad he needed to use the bathroom. No matter who he talked to, he kept on saying how he needed to take the worlds biggest piss. A couple of minutes had passed and the drunk guy was now next in line. This was his moment that he had been waiting for for the past 20 minutes or so and he blew it.
While waiting in line, the drunk fellow just couldn't take so much pressure that was building in up in his bladder and just pissed himself right in front of everyone. The sad thing was the the drunk guy who pissed himself realized what he did, lowered his head and walked away in a full state of embarrassment while still peeing himself.
Since everyone saw this, the entire crowd quickly stepped away from him while trying their best to get our their camera phones in order to record this once in a life time experience that probably happened at every corner during the parade.. The second he started to walk away, the bathroom that he was waiting for became available for him. If this guy just held it in for 30 more seconds, he would have saved himself from public shame and humiliation.
After the "Drunk Guy Piss" fiasco, Stephanie and I knew it was time to go. Spending all day outside with thousand of drunken buffoons was enough for us. We met up with the rest of the group and called it a day. One thing I wish I did that day was wear sunscreen. I need to remember that a Ginger with my fare complexion will burn easier, even if it is on a holiday that celebrates drinking and extremely pale people.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Birthday Dinner
Well it is that time of the year again for me to turn a year older and somewhat wiser.
This year, I decided to take it easy and just have a nice dinner with some friends. But before I can tell you about that, I need to tell you about the night before.
Since Friday was my actual birthday, I turned 29 by the way, Stephanie took my out to a Mexican Restaurant called Miguelitos after she showered me with some very thoughtful and special gifts and homemade red velvet brownies.
The restaurant was awesome. Miguelitos had some pretty damn good food and even tastier margaritas. Plus, the sopapillas weren't too bad either.
The next night, Stephanie and I had a small birthday dinner party at one of my favorite BYOB Italian restaurants: Dino's.
Even though I have only been to Dino's a handful of times, it has quickly become one of my favorite places to eat, mainly because it was a BYOB place.
I had a nice turn out for my 29th annual birthday celebration. Stephanie, Ogle, Meagan, their 2 year old son Caleb, Trl, Natalie, Billy, Brittany, Amy, Colin, Paul, Katie, their 2 month old son Mark, Brian, and Jess. And I cant forget the ton of wine and beer that people brought for this special occasion.
Over the next several hours, it seemed that we, along with another birthday group, took over the entire restaurant. Stories were being told, or in my case retold for the 20th time, jokes were being made, bottles of wine and beer were being disposed in our empty stomachs for nutrients, and Caleb was running all over the place trying to destroy anything and everything in his path.
As the night went on, several people had to leave either due to prior engagements or family reasons. The remainder of the group decided to go the the P and K Tavern, aka Paul and Katie's house, because the restaurant closed at 10 and we were still there way passed that time.
After an hour or so at the P and K Tavern and several rounds of Beer Battleship later, it was time to call it a night and head home. It was a classy was to celebrate my birthday, but now I have to top it for my 30th birthday. I am thinking multiple bounce houses and kegs will have to be included in the festivities.
This year, I decided to take it easy and just have a nice dinner with some friends. But before I can tell you about that, I need to tell you about the night before.
Since Friday was my actual birthday, I turned 29 by the way, Stephanie took my out to a Mexican Restaurant called Miguelitos after she showered me with some very thoughtful and special gifts and homemade red velvet brownies.
The restaurant was awesome. Miguelitos had some pretty damn good food and even tastier margaritas. Plus, the sopapillas weren't too bad either.
The next night, Stephanie and I had a small birthday dinner party at one of my favorite BYOB Italian restaurants: Dino's.
Even though I have only been to Dino's a handful of times, it has quickly become one of my favorite places to eat, mainly because it was a BYOB place.
I had a nice turn out for my 29th annual birthday celebration. Stephanie, Ogle, Meagan, their 2 year old son Caleb, Trl, Natalie, Billy, Brittany, Amy, Colin, Paul, Katie, their 2 month old son Mark, Brian, and Jess. And I cant forget the ton of wine and beer that people brought for this special occasion.
Over the next several hours, it seemed that we, along with another birthday group, took over the entire restaurant. Stories were being told, or in my case retold for the 20th time, jokes were being made, bottles of wine and beer were being disposed in our empty stomachs for nutrients, and Caleb was running all over the place trying to destroy anything and everything in his path.
As the night went on, several people had to leave either due to prior engagements or family reasons. The remainder of the group decided to go the the P and K Tavern, aka Paul and Katie's house, because the restaurant closed at 10 and we were still there way passed that time.
After an hour or so at the P and K Tavern and several rounds of Beer Battleship later, it was time to call it a night and head home. It was a classy was to celebrate my birthday, but now I have to top it for my 30th birthday. I am thinking multiple bounce houses and kegs will have to be included in the festivities.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
CSI: Miami Dreams
For some reason I have been having some weird dreams, but none were more annoying than my recent set of dreams.
Recently, I have been dreaming that I am David Caruso doing is famous one lines from CSI: Miami. An example of one of my dreams was when I just found a dead body in an industry freezer and I say "Looks like we have a cold case on our hands". Another dream started by police finding a few dead bodies in the lake, my response was "Look at this catch of the day".
I have been having dreams of just those cold opening scenes for a couple of nights now. He are a couple examples of them.
Recently, I have been dreaming that I am David Caruso doing is famous one lines from CSI: Miami. An example of one of my dreams was when I just found a dead body in an industry freezer and I say "Looks like we have a cold case on our hands". Another dream started by police finding a few dead bodies in the lake, my response was "Look at this catch of the day".
I have been having dreams of just those cold opening scenes for a couple of nights now. He are a couple examples of them.
Nasty Hippie Train Girl
Oh, the joys of meeting new people on the train. One day you could be seating to someone who does not want to be bothered even if the train is on fire or you could be sitting next to a Chatty Cathy who will tell you everything about their life, no matter how personal it is.
On the way home from work one day, Christi, Zach, and I were looking for a place to sit on the train when we saw three open seats in a four top section. The person who was there had her headphones on and seemed to be listening to music.
While Christi, Zach, and I were talking, the girl, who was dressed like a hippie, asked me to listen to her band. I did and complimented her music. She immediately asked me to compare her band to a popular band. I told her that it sounded like Broken Social Scene (which is an awesome band by the way, but her band was not) and she seemed to be very grateful of the answer.
The girl then quickly put on her headphones and started to listen to more music, or at least, that is what I thought. As Christi, Zach and I were talking, the girl would interrupt at random parts of our conversation with even more random insane thoughts of her own.
At one point of her annoying views of life, she started to go on a rant about people eating sandwiches on the train. The nasty hippie girl stated that it was very rude and unsanitary. As she kept on going on and on, she reached into her huge over sized purse and took out a tambourine and a small can of tuna fish. As she kept on with her anti sandwich speech, she opened up the small can of tuna and started to eat the tuna out of the can with her fingers.
The more passionate she became about the sandwiches, the more tuna she would stuff in her mouth and then spit it out while talking. Our table quickly resembled the front row of a Gallagher concert. The smell alone would make anyone want to jump off the moving train to their death instead of suffering one more minute of that horrendously nauseating odor.
It had to be the longest 30 minute train ride I have ever experienced, until she stood up. As Christi and I were getting off at our train stop, Nasty Hippie Girl decided that this would be the best time to stand up and attempt to talk about all of her body art. I would say tattoos, but she hates that term more than she hates sandwiches.
When make up free Nasty Hippie Girl stood up, her three sizes too small of a shirt was clinging to each piece of thread like its life depended on it. Christi and I quickly excused ourselves as we were getting out of our seats.
I am always one to meet new people, but there is no way in hell that I want to sit with that crazy girl again.
On the way home from work one day, Christi, Zach, and I were looking for a place to sit on the train when we saw three open seats in a four top section. The person who was there had her headphones on and seemed to be listening to music.
While Christi, Zach, and I were talking, the girl, who was dressed like a hippie, asked me to listen to her band. I did and complimented her music. She immediately asked me to compare her band to a popular band. I told her that it sounded like Broken Social Scene (which is an awesome band by the way, but her band was not) and she seemed to be very grateful of the answer.
The girl then quickly put on her headphones and started to listen to more music, or at least, that is what I thought. As Christi, Zach and I were talking, the girl would interrupt at random parts of our conversation with even more random insane thoughts of her own.
At one point of her annoying views of life, she started to go on a rant about people eating sandwiches on the train. The nasty hippie girl stated that it was very rude and unsanitary. As she kept on going on and on, she reached into her huge over sized purse and took out a tambourine and a small can of tuna fish. As she kept on with her anti sandwich speech, she opened up the small can of tuna and started to eat the tuna out of the can with her fingers.
The more passionate she became about the sandwiches, the more tuna she would stuff in her mouth and then spit it out while talking. Our table quickly resembled the front row of a Gallagher concert. The smell alone would make anyone want to jump off the moving train to their death instead of suffering one more minute of that horrendously nauseating odor.
It had to be the longest 30 minute train ride I have ever experienced, until she stood up. As Christi and I were getting off at our train stop, Nasty Hippie Girl decided that this would be the best time to stand up and attempt to talk about all of her body art. I would say tattoos, but she hates that term more than she hates sandwiches.
When make up free Nasty Hippie Girl stood up, her three sizes too small of a shirt was clinging to each piece of thread like its life depended on it. Christi and I quickly excused ourselves as we were getting out of our seats.
I am always one to meet new people, but there is no way in hell that I want to sit with that crazy girl again.
Top Golf
How would you want to spend your best friend's 29th birthday who is obsessed with everything golf related? You go to Top Golf of course.
What is Top Golf? Just about the coolest place in the world, that is what Top Golf is!
Top Golf is a driving range that is like a giant dart board. People hit golf balls that are equipped with a GPS to one of the holes in the field. The closer you get to one of the holes, the more points you will receive. This place is in The Hall of Fame of Awesome for being, well, pretty damn awesome.
Ogle and his wife invited a bunch of people out to go to Top Golf Dallas for his birthday. And in order to celebrate his last year in his twenties, they had reserved the Executive Suite on the second balcony with couches, heaters, tables, and chairs (oh my).
We arrived at this huge outdoor arena around 5 and immediately started to hit some golf balls. At my station, my opponents were Trl, Billy, Colin, and Dusty while at the other station was Ogle, Ryan, Cesar, and some other guy who I think was Chad. And guess what, I was certifiable bad ass that night by not only winning the game, but being the only one to get a hole in one.
As we were working hard on perfecting our golf swing, the ladies (either wives, girlfriends, or fiances of the men) were doing something very important: drinking. It was a tough job to do, but those ladies did it in style. I have seen a group of ladies drink a lot of beer while talking about how to lower mortgage payments by a grand and then using the savings to go to Cabo for a week vacation.
To be fair, the hole in one was a complete accident. As I said before, each ball has a GPS in it and in order to activate it, you had to drop in a hole. At one point of the evening, I hit the ball as hard as I could and instead of the ball soaring in front of me like it should have, it went straight up in the air and right into the activation hole. It may not be an official hole in one, but it was still a hole in one in my book.
The party went on until 10 and everyone had a blast. There was plenty of pizza, hamburgers, fries, sandwiches, and beer for everyone to enjoy and to take home as well. This was clearly a great place to have a birthday party.
What is Top Golf? Just about the coolest place in the world, that is what Top Golf is!
Top Golf is a driving range that is like a giant dart board. People hit golf balls that are equipped with a GPS to one of the holes in the field. The closer you get to one of the holes, the more points you will receive. This place is in The Hall of Fame of Awesome for being, well, pretty damn awesome.
Ogle and his wife invited a bunch of people out to go to Top Golf Dallas for his birthday. And in order to celebrate his last year in his twenties, they had reserved the Executive Suite on the second balcony with couches, heaters, tables, and chairs (oh my).
We arrived at this huge outdoor arena around 5 and immediately started to hit some golf balls. At my station, my opponents were Trl, Billy, Colin, and Dusty while at the other station was Ogle, Ryan, Cesar, and some other guy who I think was Chad. And guess what, I was certifiable bad ass that night by not only winning the game, but being the only one to get a hole in one.
As we were working hard on perfecting our golf swing, the ladies (either wives, girlfriends, or fiances of the men) were doing something very important: drinking. It was a tough job to do, but those ladies did it in style. I have seen a group of ladies drink a lot of beer while talking about how to lower mortgage payments by a grand and then using the savings to go to Cabo for a week vacation.
To be fair, the hole in one was a complete accident. As I said before, each ball has a GPS in it and in order to activate it, you had to drop in a hole. At one point of the evening, I hit the ball as hard as I could and instead of the ball soaring in front of me like it should have, it went straight up in the air and right into the activation hole. It may not be an official hole in one, but it was still a hole in one in my book.
The party went on until 10 and everyone had a blast. There was plenty of pizza, hamburgers, fries, sandwiches, and beer for everyone to enjoy and to take home as well. This was clearly a great place to have a birthday party.
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