I have been thinking a lot about dreams lately, (don't worry, I am not talking about the catchy Cranberries song) and now I can finally learn the meaning behind them.
I recently received a dream dictionary as a Christmas gift that will tell me what my dreams actually mean. Below are a couple of examples of some dreams that I have been having and kind of want to know if there are any meanings behind them.
The Clown Dream
I always have this dream that I'm in my room but it's pitch dark except this glowing blue light that surrounds my bed kinda, and I'm standing on top of it with a shovel in my hands. I also have this huge feeling of fear. I always bend down to look under my bed and right when I do that this head pops out and it's this messed up clown and bash it in the head with the shovel, but it never seems to die! When it comes out from under the bed the thing is wearing a blue jump suit, and has this really messed up face with this creepy broken smile. And I keep hitting it with the shovel and it never does anything. And I keep yelling for help because I know my parents are in the next room, but they can't hear me. Then the thing takes the shovel and starts hitting himself with it like it mocking me. And right when it gets in my face I jump awake. I never forget that dream, and the weird thing is that I'm not even scared of clowns.
The Zombie Dream
My neighbor, Kim, had turned into a zombie and it was my responsibility to protect my dog Scout. The events leading up to the main encounter are unclear but I recall chopping Kim's head off with an axe. When Scout asked (yes, my dog started to talk just like a human) if she was alright I replied that "she was sleeping". I then fled away from the rest of the zombies onto a school bus. There were several other people already seated; I assumed they were also survivors. I was wrong; they were vampires and I awoke moments prior to being attacked.
The Magical Sheep
I had a dream where a sheep was a certified hypnotist and convinced everyone that he was a magician... It was really weird... and that's pretty much all I remember..
I am going to look up all of this information and see what these dreams need to me. Hopefully it will be something interesting instead of something dull like me needing to stop drinking so much cranberry juice before I go to bed.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My Guide To Stardom
Since Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are moving to Dallas, I have a sure fire way to become famous within the next couple of weeks. This is what I am going to do and don't try to copy it because this process is trade marked and patent pending status.
I am going to run into Khloe Kardashian in a public place and ask for an autograph. She will then tell me that she will but only if I tell her a couple of places to eat around Dallas since she is new to the area. Annnddd Thheeennn
Once I give her great, detailed information, she will invite me to go to lunch with her and Lamar. Annndd Theennn
After lunch, she will introduce me to her family and will be drinking poolside on top of the W Hotel. Annnddd Thhennn
Ryan Seacrest will come over to talk to me while I am hanging out with some of Lamar's new Dallas Mavericks team mates and he will offer me my own show. Aannnddd Theennn
My show will be the most popular show on E! and my ratings will be much better than any other Kardashian show out there right now and they all become broke and no one will care about them anymore.
This entire theory, not matter how far fetch it seems, sounds pretty reasonable to me.
I am going to run into Khloe Kardashian in a public place and ask for an autograph. She will then tell me that she will but only if I tell her a couple of places to eat around Dallas since she is new to the area. Annnddd Thheeennn
Once I give her great, detailed information, she will invite me to go to lunch with her and Lamar. Annndd Theennn
After lunch, she will introduce me to her family and will be drinking poolside on top of the W Hotel. Annnddd Thhennn
Ryan Seacrest will come over to talk to me while I am hanging out with some of Lamar's new Dallas Mavericks team mates and he will offer me my own show. Aannnddd Theennn
My show will be the most popular show on E! and my ratings will be much better than any other Kardashian show out there right now and they all become broke and no one will care about them anymore.
This entire theory, not matter how far fetch it seems, sounds pretty reasonable to me.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
The ICE Experience
This past Saturday, Stephanie I went to the Gaylord Hotel in Grapevine to see the annual ICE Experience at the hotel. I have never been to the ICE Experience before, but I have always heard good things about it, so it was obvious that I was going to act like a 6 year old at this place.
If you don't know, the ICE Experience is a huge circus tent that is kept at a constant 9 degrees and holds over 2 millions pounds of ice sculptures are shown. This years theme was based off of Shrek The Halls TV Special when Shrek tries to plan the “perfect Christmas” for Fiona and the kids, his plans are disrupted by usual chaos and commotion.
Before the crowd was allowed in the tent, we had to watch a short history of how the ice statues were made and how long it took. You can read more about it here. Apparently the Gaylord hotel brought over a bunch of people from China to start carving the ICE statues in September. It was very amazing to see how much detail went into every statue.
As we entered the tent, Stephanie and I were issued full length parka jackets to help keep us warm in the beyond freezing tent atmosphere. Inside of the tent, they had every Shrek character you could think of, slides made completely out of ice, Shrek videos, and a ton of ice sculptors to take pictures of.
Once the Shrek portion of the ICE exhibit was done, the show ended with a large room decorated with a clear ice version of the nativity scene.
After the ICE exhibit, we walked around the hotel because the Gaylord had 1.5 million holiday lights that decorated the entire hotel, a 52-foot rotating Christmas tree, a life-sized Gingerbread House made out of actually gingerbread and candy, 12,000 ornaments, and Santa Claus himself. It was one of the best decorated places that I have ever seen.
Oh, I cant forget to mention the breakfast buffet we had before the ICE exhibit opened. We ate at the Riverwalk Cantina that actually had a small river flowing next the edge of the patio of the restaurant.
The breakfast buffet was awesome. They had all types of food like custom made omelette's, pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs benedict, all types of fruit, and any type of breakfast meals you can think of. And the only way to enjoy this meal is with some Mimosas and Bloody Mary's. It was a great way to start the day.
If you don't know, the ICE Experience is a huge circus tent that is kept at a constant 9 degrees and holds over 2 millions pounds of ice sculptures are shown. This years theme was based off of Shrek The Halls TV Special when Shrek tries to plan the “perfect Christmas” for Fiona and the kids, his plans are disrupted by usual chaos and commotion.
Before the crowd was allowed in the tent, we had to watch a short history of how the ice statues were made and how long it took. You can read more about it here. Apparently the Gaylord hotel brought over a bunch of people from China to start carving the ICE statues in September. It was very amazing to see how much detail went into every statue.
As we entered the tent, Stephanie and I were issued full length parka jackets to help keep us warm in the beyond freezing tent atmosphere. Inside of the tent, they had every Shrek character you could think of, slides made completely out of ice, Shrek videos, and a ton of ice sculptors to take pictures of.
Once the Shrek portion of the ICE exhibit was done, the show ended with a large room decorated with a clear ice version of the nativity scene.
After the ICE exhibit, we walked around the hotel because the Gaylord had 1.5 million holiday lights that decorated the entire hotel, a 52-foot rotating Christmas tree, a life-sized Gingerbread House made out of actually gingerbread and candy, 12,000 ornaments, and Santa Claus himself. It was one of the best decorated places that I have ever seen.
Oh, I cant forget to mention the breakfast buffet we had before the ICE exhibit opened. We ate at the Riverwalk Cantina that actually had a small river flowing next the edge of the patio of the restaurant.
The breakfast buffet was awesome. They had all types of food like custom made omelette's, pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs benedict, all types of fruit, and any type of breakfast meals you can think of. And the only way to enjoy this meal is with some Mimosas and Bloody Mary's. It was a great way to start the day.
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Great Lunch War of 2011
There have been many great battles and wars in history, Gettysburg, WW I and II, Vietnam, and Desert Storm, but no one has been stuck in the type of trenches that I have been in for the past week.
I found myself alone on a battlefield surrounded by the charred carcasses of armored Mexican food trucks and other equipment, discarded pizza boxes and whataburger wrappers, and a dessert floor stained with what appears to be either spaghetti or strawberry sauce facing my ultimate enemy. Stephanie
To be honest, I can still hear the faint sound of ice cream trucks, some distance away, calling to me in the wind. It will haunt my dreams forever.
The day the war started began just like any other day. Birds were chirping, the air was clean, and people were nice and polite to each other. But that all would change on Wednesday, November 2, 2011.
The lunch war started when Stephanie began to received catered lunches at her new office from sales representatives of drug companies. She told me about it and I thought it would occur a couple times a month. I was wrong. This free lunch would occur 2 to 3 times a week, every week. I was immediately jealous.
My lunch either consisted of what I ate the night before, a sandwich with a fruit cup and some fig newtons, or, if I was lucky, a hamburger from the Asian diner in my office. It was clear from the start that I was on the losing end of this battle.
We fought for many weekdays from the hours of 11:30 am to 1:15 pm. Everyday I had to endure Stephanie's tales of delicious Babe's Chicken, tasty Black Eye Pea, and heavenly dishes from Olive Garden. I sulked as I ate my mediocre turkey sandwich.
Then one faithful day came, my luck started to change. As Stephanie was eating left overs, I was consuming the greatest meal ever: The steak: a ribeye; the whiskey: lagavulin 16; the lady sitting next me: the bitch. Specifically my ex co worker Bettie. She decided to drop by for unannounced visit from Hell.
As word spread to Stephanie that I started to gather some steam and win several days worth of the lunch war in a row, she became scared and frightened but vowed for me never to win again. Then she yelled "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE HIGHLANDER"
As I waited for Stephanie to attack me again with another free 5 start lunch, I found one of her previous victims with a note attached to his hand. This is what it said:
Its dangerous out here my love. The general has me and the boys stationed
outside of a 7-11 right now protecting the Slurpee's and what we think are hot
dogs. We are tired and scared. I'm not sure if we have enough Sushi rations for the evening. Morale is low. Tim Timberland lost his leg in a McRib explosion yesterday and one of us has to tell his wife Judith. She shant be happy to hear that news. My love, when a man is out here on the diabetic battlefield in dangerous surroundings, the only thing he can do is hold your 7 orders of 99 cent tacos from Jack In the Box close to his chest. And thoughts for my love for the all you can eat pancakes special at IHOP developed in my soul and they sustain me. Should I not make it back alive, tell the kids I died a winner at the Atomic Spicy Hot Wing Challenge in Fort Worth.
After reading that note, I hope I survive at least a couple more lunches before she wins.
I found myself alone on a battlefield surrounded by the charred carcasses of armored Mexican food trucks and other equipment, discarded pizza boxes and whataburger wrappers, and a dessert floor stained with what appears to be either spaghetti or strawberry sauce facing my ultimate enemy. Stephanie
To be honest, I can still hear the faint sound of ice cream trucks, some distance away, calling to me in the wind. It will haunt my dreams forever.
The day the war started began just like any other day. Birds were chirping, the air was clean, and people were nice and polite to each other. But that all would change on Wednesday, November 2, 2011.
The lunch war started when Stephanie began to received catered lunches at her new office from sales representatives of drug companies. She told me about it and I thought it would occur a couple times a month. I was wrong. This free lunch would occur 2 to 3 times a week, every week. I was immediately jealous.
My lunch either consisted of what I ate the night before, a sandwich with a fruit cup and some fig newtons, or, if I was lucky, a hamburger from the Asian diner in my office. It was clear from the start that I was on the losing end of this battle.
We fought for many weekdays from the hours of 11:30 am to 1:15 pm. Everyday I had to endure Stephanie's tales of delicious Babe's Chicken, tasty Black Eye Pea, and heavenly dishes from Olive Garden. I sulked as I ate my mediocre turkey sandwich.
Then one faithful day came, my luck started to change. As Stephanie was eating left overs, I was consuming the greatest meal ever: The steak: a ribeye; the whiskey: lagavulin 16; the lady sitting next me: the bitch. Specifically my ex co worker Bettie. She decided to drop by for unannounced visit from Hell.
As word spread to Stephanie that I started to gather some steam and win several days worth of the lunch war in a row, she became scared and frightened but vowed for me never to win again. Then she yelled "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE HIGHLANDER"
As I waited for Stephanie to attack me again with another free 5 start lunch, I found one of her previous victims with a note attached to his hand. This is what it said:
Its dangerous out here my love. The general has me and the boys stationed
outside of a 7-11 right now protecting the Slurpee's and what we think are hot
dogs. We are tired and scared. I'm not sure if we have enough Sushi rations for the evening. Morale is low. Tim Timberland lost his leg in a McRib explosion yesterday and one of us has to tell his wife Judith. She shant be happy to hear that news. My love, when a man is out here on the diabetic battlefield in dangerous surroundings, the only thing he can do is hold your 7 orders of 99 cent tacos from Jack In the Box close to his chest. And thoughts for my love for the all you can eat pancakes special at IHOP developed in my soul and they sustain me. Should I not make it back alive, tell the kids I died a winner at the Atomic Spicy Hot Wing Challenge in Fort Worth.
After reading that note, I hope I survive at least a couple more lunches before she wins.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Even more things I have discovered in Montreal
Waitresses do not like to be snapped at by 50 year old men
Waitresses will yell back at you
Old Quebec City is pretty damn awesome
Apparently I have a French Face
Gingers are a rarity in Quebec
American Kraft Cheese is made in Montreal
I can fall asleep anywhere
Plane rides home while hungover are horrible
Waitresses will yell back at you
Old Quebec City is pretty damn awesome
Apparently I have a French Face
Gingers are a rarity in Quebec
American Kraft Cheese is made in Montreal
I can fall asleep anywhere
Plane rides home while hungover are horrible
Friday, December 2, 2011
More things I have discovered in Montreal
The name of some of their currency makes me giggle (example Looney and Tuney)
Family Guy in French also makes me giggle
If you go to Montreal, eat at a Jewish Deli named Shwartz's
Having random people sit at our table at Shwartz's and the becoming best friends with them
It becomes pitch black at 5 pm
The hotel gives out free cookies
Homeless people love cookies
Family Guy in French also makes me giggle
If you go to Montreal, eat at a Jewish Deli named Shwartz's
Having random people sit at our table at Shwartz's and the becoming best friends with them
It becomes pitch black at 5 pm
The hotel gives out free cookies
Homeless people love cookies
Things I have discovered in Montreal........so far
Homeless people love to drink champagne bottle size of beer
They also love to concel thier beer with Target plastic shopping bags
The metro system is awesome
Montreal loves to showcase Santa Claus in wierd ways in Sex Shop Store Fronts
I can never look at Mrs Claus the same way again
Their beer is like moonshine
They sell poutine everywhere
Poutine is a dipping sauce
Mrs Claus loves poutine
30 degree weather is not cold here, apparently it is only cold to bitches
They also love to concel thier beer with Target plastic shopping bags
The metro system is awesome
Montreal loves to showcase Santa Claus in wierd ways in Sex Shop Store Fronts
I can never look at Mrs Claus the same way again
Their beer is like moonshine
They sell poutine everywhere
Poutine is a dipping sauce
Mrs Claus loves poutine
30 degree weather is not cold here, apparently it is only cold to bitches
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