The Dallas Derby Devils

Do you like roller skates? Do you like those girls in those said roller skates? Do you like to see those said girls in those said roller skates going around in a constant circle like in Nascar? Then you are in luck my friends because that is exactly what I witnessed Saturday night.

Amy, Stephanie, and I decided to go to a roller derby match since non of us have seen one before and we will see any sporting event where there is the slightest chance of blood being spilled on the floor.

Since three of us had never been to a match before, we really didn't know what to expect with the exception of what I could remember from the movie "Whip It".

The event started with a performance by the current World Champions of Jump Roping. Don't worry, you read that previous sentence correctly. World Champions of Jump Roping Performance. And I cant lie, they were pretty damn good. Kids were jumping up and down, then doing handstands, flips, and I am pretty sure I saw one kid prepare his parents' taxes all while jump roping.

After the 10 minute performance, it was time for the derby to begin. As the teams and players were being announced, the emcees were also giving a quick cliff notes version of what to look for during the game and how to score points. I didn't understand how any of it worked at first, but I was willing to give it a try mainly because I wanted to see people fall down alot.

If I learned one thing from this night at the derby, it is the fact that those girls can skate and they will try to knock each other on their asses. Girls formed lines to block to opposing side from advancing while one lone, crazy girl would be on her own trying to push, block, punch, or trample over anybody that she could.

The first game was pretty interesting, but not as fast paced as I thought it would be. It seemed like the skaters would skate around in a couple of circles and somehow score 20 points from doing that. The good part about this particular match was that one girl got injured pretty bad.

What happened was when a bunch of girls were rounding a corner, one girl fell down and it became a domino effect for the rest of the skaters. The girls only had to choices at this point. Either quickly jump out of the way or get tangled in the sea of girls on the floor. No one got hurt with the exception of the girl who feel first and she received a face full of roller skates.

She got hit hard enough where it knocked her out for a minute. After several attempts to stand up, she finally just laid on the floor until the medic could get to her and try to help her out. The game was paused and the coaches and medic eventually got her off the court and she seemed fine.

After that match ended, it was time to start with the halftime entertainment which was a band consisting of 4 elementary school aged girls covering 80s songs and a plastic duck throwing competition with the winner receiving a bottle of whiskey.

When the half time show ended, it was time for the main event, the title bout between the Slaughters and some other team. This match was much more fast paced and more exciting than the previous match. Girls were beating the hell out of each other, knock them down, throwing themselves into coaches, and even hitting one girl hard enough that she had to be taken out of the game in a wheel chair.

The game finally ended with, I think, the team other than the Slaughters winning. It was pretty fun and I would probably go again just to see people get hurt with potential bloodshed.