Heart Attack Grill

A new restaurant opened up in Dallas a couple of weeks ago and they aim to make you as fat as possible. And they are doing a damn good job at it.

The restaurant is called The Heart Attack Grill and the concept seems pretty funny to me. The theme of the restaurant is that its a doctors office and they want you to try a new diet. Instead of watching calories and limiting the type of food that you eat, they want you to eat as much as possible.

Priscilla, a co-worker, and I tried the Heart Attack Grill last week for lunch and it was awesome.

There are 2 hostesses that will welcome you when arrive at this fine establishment. The first girl is outside to attract people to come in the restaurant. She is a college aged girl who seems like a typical hot sorority girl. Her job is the give you a medical band (remember, you are eating at a diet center as a joke) and find you a table.

The second hostess, this could just be in my case, was not that attractive or young as the first hostess. The second hostess was a slim 50 year woman with, according to what she told me and Priscilla, 5 year old gigantic boobs. Apparently she didn't like to strip anymore but still love to show off some skin. Her job was to fit you with a medical gown and walk you to your table. Oh, and before I forget, medical gowns are required to be worn at the restaurant at all times or they ask you to leave.

We sat at the counter and was greeted by our nurse, who was our waitress but they are called nurses, who told us about the menu which can be seen at the top of this post. She also introduced us to Doctor Jon, the manager of the restaurant, who was dressed head to toe as a real doctor that included a stethoscope, white jacket, and doctor badge. The cooks were referred to as residents and they were dressed up in scrubs.

Another clever thing I thought was pretty funny was that they do not serve "meals" but "procedures". The four main procedures that they serve are they bypasses and you can have a Single, Double, Triple, or Quadruple Bypass. They are all hamburgers with either one, two, three, or four huge hamburger patties.

The biggest one is obviously the Quadruple Bypass that has 2 pounds of meat, a whole tomato, a whole onion, 8 slices of cheese, and 16 slices of bacon. This is the biggest burger I have seen.

Another gimmick that this place has is that if you weigh 350 pounds or more, then you get to eat for free. And man did I saw some huge ass people get weighed in so they can eat for free. It is kind of funny how Manager does the weigh in too. They treat it like 2 boxers weighing in before a fight.

One thing I can not forget to talk about is the shake that they sell. It is known has having the highest butter fat content than other shakes.

They make the shakes the same way as you would a margarita or Slurpee. The put in a ton of milk, ice cream, enough sugar to turn you into a diabetic, and a vat full of butter. Yes, you read that correctly. A VAT FULL OF BUTTER.

Once they pour it of the margarita machine, they will add whatever flavor your ordered and then they will add more butter to the side of it. It kind of resembles of Bloody Mary with a stick of celery as garnish expect that it is a crap ton of butter.

The Heart Attack Grill also sells candy, cigarettes, and if you want to be just like your old man, candy cigarettes too.

There have been alot of people protesting outside of the restaurant stating that it is promoting heart disease and other unhealthy eating issues. But it really is just a novelty restaurant like Hooters or Bone Daddy's (as you can tell by the picture to the left).

The protesters have been trying to steer people away from The Heart Attack Grill by offering them fruit and carrots as healthy alternatives to the greasy hamburgers that they serve. But something tells me that they will be unsuccessful in their goal.

The protesters could not even get the spokesman of the Heart Attack Grill to get on a diet and he even died not too long ago. He weighed over 500 pounds and loved the attention that he got when he walked in to the restaurant, devoured a quadruple bypass, hit on a nurse, and then went to his room in his mother's basement to chat online with equally heavyset girls.

Even though the place may be unhealthy for you, lets face it, it is. It is pretty fun to go and try it out. The food was decent. You can people watch like crazy and you can cheer people on when they weigh in to get their free burger.
Also, you can be like the recently deceased spokesman and attempt to meet a girl like the one to the left.

Sure, she will act like she likes you because she says she is into big men who can eat an 8,000 calorie hamburger in one sitting, then devour a pound of fries while drinking several PBRs and sweating all over the place. That nurse will get so turned on it was become almost pornographic.

Or, at least that is what you will dream about it when you go home and change in to your seventh clean t shirt of the day because you were sweating too much through the previous six.

So go and try the Heart Attack Grill and not be like the guy behind the attractive waitress who is either dead or suffering a major heart attack right now. And be honest, did you even notice that guy when you first saw the picture.